he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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