wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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