he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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