Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
