I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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