So drunk its hurt
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
