I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
im holly from the hills drunk
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
