boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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