it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
