just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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