3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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