remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
How's work?
Spinning.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
