I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I lost the right to judge tonight
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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