Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
ugly people sure do ruin things
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
