she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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