We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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