: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
