can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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