Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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