I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I can't put those talents on a resume
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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