things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
