why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
