My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
