Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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