We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
