I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
