Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
