Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
