It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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