I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
