Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
