I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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