you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
