we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
