Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
