Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
