stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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