yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
