he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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