hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
