its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
