I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
As shirtless as possible
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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