Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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