Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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