Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
