Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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