anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
