Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
