I wish I could punch you in the face.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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