Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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