I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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