I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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