i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
