Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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