Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
