You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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