guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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