does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
