Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
