My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
