soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
